Put picky past you: The family meal

The family meal is important on a few different levels. Primarily, it gets everyone together to enjoy food and to socialize. It takes the pressure off of one child and off of the food and elevates it to a fun event, where everyone wants to be. 

More importantly though, when the family eats together, modeling happens. Parent’s model table manners, positive (or negative) feelings and interactions around food, as well as important food messages about what is “safe” and “good” to eat. There is speculation that this is how early humans passed on the essential information about what was poisonous or edible: by carefully watching what your parents and your family ate- then only eating those things.  This same behavior holds true today. Children watch us and eat what we eat. Conversely often they do not eat what we do not routinely eat. Hence, children that grow up in Korea will routinely eat things like kimchi, while many American children will not go near kimchi. Japanese children (generally) easily accept fish and seaweed, where as these foods seem am impossibility to most families of toddlers or young school age kiddos in the US. Also, a recent research study showed that parents who classify themselves as picky eaters are significantly more likely to have children who are picky eaters. We show our kids what and how to eat and generally they listen. Of course, there are MANY families who are not picky at all- who eat a wide variety of nutrient rich foods and whose kids are still very picky. Sometimes this is related to an underlying diagnosis: reflux, delayed gastric emptying, autism, etc. but sometimes it’s not. In some of those instances, I suspect that the family meal may still have played a role in this. 

I will preface by saying that because children are SO widely different and complex, I know many will have their own unique reasons for being picky that don’t relate at all to anything that we could have controlled as parents. I know. This info is not meant to blame parents. It is meant to empower and heal parents. I want parents of picky eaters to know that children don’t want to be picky. It’s not easy to be picky. It’s frustrating for everyone and as kids get older it’s embarrassing and anxiety producing. Kids want to fit it and picky eaters stand out in a negative way when they can’t participate in normal social interactions, like parties or eating at a friend’s house. Something is perpetuating the picky behaviors. I’d also like to add that picky eating has a lot to do with inherent temperament and personality. Certain babies and kids will grow up to be amazing and adventurous eaters no matter what the circumstance and no matter how they are patented. Even if they never have a family meal and their parents are super picky, they will still grow up to be great eaters. Conversely, there are those babies and children who are picky from the beginning- about everything. They are the ones who, even when you do all the “right” things, these children are still very likely to be fussy and picky. It’s these kids (and those who are a bit less picky) that small parenting choices and interactions make a big impact. I suspect that these kiddos would respond the best to things like the family meal. And I actually suspect that these kid’s tendency towards picky eating has been reinforced through either lack of family meal or through family meals gone wrong. 

The main idea behind a family meal is that everyone eats the same thing. Often times when we first introduce solids we introduce “baby food” then work towards “toddler food” then eventually we try to bring them into our adult meal. But when we feed something different, that’s often 1 or 2 years of modeling that we lose at a critical time of learning. It’s also setting up the idea that the child gets to eat something different and special (or sometimes whatever they choose). So to change it up on them after several years, can often cause a lot of resistance. 

So consider serving one meal from the get go- same or very similar foods for everyone (from the get go- even when your baby is 6 or 7 months old- yes this is possible- make it a snack meal, not dinner and if you are giving puréed applesauce, everyone gets puréed applesauce. Be creative and consistent. Of you’re having chicken and veggies roast some veggies and put them on your 6-12 month olds tray however you think he or she can manage them.) 

As your child get older and often more picky through toddlerhood- stay consistent at the family meal. No separate, special food for the child. No cooking something else during or afterwards because the child wouldn’t eat it. No snacks afterwards until the next mealtime. If your child doesn’t eat at that meal, plan the next meal a bit sooner and your child will be more hungry at that  one. 

Another important tenet of family meals that I mentioned at the beginning of this post is that they are meant to be socially enjoyable. Think of them as a party! The focus is on the conversation and on the joy that comes from relaxing together at the table- not on the quantity of food being consumed or not consumed. Your child can choose not to eat anything at all and you will just ignore this and let him or her participate in the fun conversation or excuse them from the table. At first the child will think he or she has won the lottery. “You’re not going to yell at me, pressure me to eat, make me the focus of an uncomfortable interaction??” Or, “You’re telling me I can go?!” But I promise you, trust that you’re child wants to be near you, interacting with you and the other parent. When fun happens at the table, a child wants to be a part of it. (No video games or tv instead during that time and you have to practice making the meal fun. For example, my dad used to ask us a “special question” at dinner each night and we all looked forward to answering that question and the talking that ensued. If the meal is frustration ridden and uncomfortable, no one will want to stay for that.) If you make meals light and fun, make mealtimes socially enjoyable and stop focusing on the amount your child is eating or not, then they will see that when they go, they are missing the party. They don’t get to watch tv or talk with others at the table. They have to entertain themselves and let everyone else enjoy their meal. They do not get new food or a snack. Often times they come back in a few minutes. Or at the next few meals they won’t leave the table at all and when your child is sitting at the table, he or she will eventually and often quietly begin to eat. Otherwise, they will not eat but will be more hungry at the next meal. No need to starve him or her- feel free to provide some of your kiddo’s favorite foods at the next meal. Just avoid giving alternate foods at the family meal if your child doesn’t eat. No subs or requesting special foods at the family meal. Consistency is key. Your child has to know 100% that the rules don’t change. When she or he understand this, and stars to want to participate in the family meal, the child can then reap the benefits of parent and other sibling modeling good eating behaviors and trying new foods. 

When you get to this place, they family meal also serves as the perfect source of toddler leftover lunches. These are meals that are familiar to your toddler and he or she watched you eat. The food is healthy. You get to reinforce the foods you value and serve as a family. I strongly recommend this practice and I recommend starting early with this- even when your baby is 8 or 9 months old. 

Good luck and I’d love to hear about your family meals. What goes well, what are your favorite parts, what goes wrong? Feel free to leave me a comment!

Food Play: Fishing for Letters with Veggies

I got the idea for this from this pin: http://pinterest.com/pin/286400857524983776/

What you’ll need:
1. Zucchini sticks- 1 for each child
2. Letter cookies from Trader Joes
3. Peanut butter or other nut butter if preferred (or sunflower seed butter if allergies are an issue)

Give each child a veggie stick  a handful of letter cookies (extra points if you find the letters in his/her name) and a glob of peanut butter.  Let the child scoop up the peanut butter with their zucchini stick, then call out letters and have each child find that particular letter.  When the letter is found, the child picks it up with their “fishing pole” and shows you then eats it.

Have extra “fishing poles” (aka zucchini sticks) ready because your child may start eating theirs and need a replacement!

Consider alternate “fishing poles:” celery, carrot, bell peper sticks, even beets!  Be creative!

Simple Toddler Lunches: Humus & Avocado Sandwich

Need a quick and easy lunch in a pinch: Hummus and avocado sandwich. 1 piece of bread, hummus and a quarter of an avocado. Cut in half and serve. Super simple and delicious.

What I do and why I LOVE it

This post is about me!  I want to explain my background and credentials, what an Occupational Therapist (OT) does to help babies, children, and families who have difficulty with feeding, as well as why I love the topic of feeding, eating, and mealtime.  

If you’ve found my site or my blog, I want you to feel confident that you’ve found someone who is not just passionate about feeding, eating, and mealtime, but also someone who is highly trained and educated on the topic as well.  Occasionally another medical professional will have a different opinion from me about how to approach a feeding issue and it is important to understand our backgrounds to know why we might have a different approach.

My credentials (aka, the letters behind my name): OTR/L, SWC, CLE

• OTR/L: These letters mean that I am an Occupational Therapist registered nationally and licensed through California.  
• SWC: This is an advanced practice designation from the California Board of Occupational Therapy indicating advanced training and expertise in the area of feeding and swallowing.
• CLE: Certified Lactation Educator.  This means I have completed additional training in the area of lactation to support breastfeeding. 

As an occupational therapist I have to maintain my licensure by completing continuing education courses yearly.  I have to utilize evidenced-based treatment strategies and I have to stay current on applicable research in my field.  I challenge myself to do this by speaking at conferences and writing journal articles.  (Most recently I spoke at the American Occupational Therapy Association national conference and I was published in the May 2013 issue of the Journal of Infant, Child, and Adolescent Nutrition).  As someone who loves infant development, neuro-anatomy and function, feeding, and nutrition, I am an avid reader on these topics.  As a mother and someone surrounded by many families with babies, I try to stay current on what parents need, want, and love.  

As an occupational therapist, my primary role is to “help people across the lifespan participate in the things they want and need to do through the therapeutic use of everyday activities (occupations).” -American Occupational Therapy Association  My chosen focus is the “occupation” of feeding and mealtime and my target audience is infants and children.

Occupational therapist are holistic and we have been trained to look at the whole person in the context of their environment, as well as every aspect of an occupation.  When it comes to feeding and mealtime, this is so important because it is one of the most complex and multi-faceted “occupations” that a person will participate in.  

• Feeding engages every one of our sensory systems (site, smell, taste, hearing, touch, vestibular, and proprioceptive- all of them in one way or another!) 
• It requires adept gross motor, fine motor, and oral motor skill coordination.  
• Feeding also is a deeply social and behavioral activity, which is made up of routines, habits and cultural norms, and is affected by temperment.  
• When working in the area of feeding, you must understand the deep ties between health and wellness of the body and digestive tract and how this plays a roll in determining hunger and interest in eating.  
• And let’s not forget nutrition! 

There are really so many pieces to think about when talking about feeding and mealtime.  As a therapist, I have to combine all those pieces with the individual child’s strengths, weaknesses and environment.  As if that wasn’t enough, when working with children, I have to also take into account the strengths, weaknesses, temperment, and daily schedule of the parents and siblings to make every recommendation functional for the family.  

          

-So many of life’s most joyful moments happen around a meal-

There are many other very complex activites out there, but another reason that I love feeding and mealtime is that every single person has to participate in this “occupation” every single day, multiple times a day, without fail, for the duration of their lifetime.  Success and joy in feeding, eating, and mealtime can have a pervasive impact on our daily happiness.  

This sounds excessive and dramatic, but it’s true!  This is why I LOVE working as an occupational therapist in the area of pediatric feeding, eating, and mealtime.  I am constantly kept on my toes, engaged, and challenged.  When I hear people say that they know it shouldn’t be “that difficult” I get so excited to let them know that, in fact, it is super complex and though it all sort of falls into place most of the time, it can very easily be put off track and so difficult to get working smoothly if it does go wrong.  This is also why I have become so so passionate about working with families of typically developing babies and children.  I know that with a little bit of guidance, the feeding relationship can get off on the right foot and be successful for life.  So much of our health and wellness stems from our diets and our intestinal health.  Small changes to how we as a society approach feeding, eating, and mealtime can make HUGE differences in our overall health, our body image, our socialization and our joy.  Small successes in my work can bring big satisfaction and health to a family.  Yes, this is a lot to swallow.  But I get excited when I’m passionate, and this topic makes me passionate!